October 15, 2008 
Santa Is A Republican
- Wears a red suit.
- Rewards the good (toys) and punishes the bad (coal).
- Self employed caucasian male.
- Happily married.
- Actually does his job without whining.
- Has fantastic marketing skills.
- Hangs out at Fox News
- Vixen’s name is really Nixon.
- Runs his business from the North Pole to take advantage of offshore tax shelter.
- Shuns soy milk in favor of cow milk.
- Pays the elves well enough they don’t have to unionize.
- Is compassionate.
- Gives his OWN property of his own free will, rather than taking it from others for redistribution.
- Supports drilling in ANWR so all the elves have jobs.
- He is in business for profit. (Milk and Cookies.)
- He wears fur. (Pisses off those PETA freaks.)
- He supports the tobacco industry. (Pipe tobacco.)
- Winner of Capitalist Pig of the Millenium award.
- Knows where all the coal is.
- Wanted Duncan Hunter to be elected President.
- Gives Bush a present and NOT coal.
- Had Keith Olbermann’s name engraved permanently on the naughty list.
- Drives an SUV that only gets 6 miles per gallon of reindeer food.
- Insists people chop down tree’s and watch them slowly die.
- Gave the IRS a lump of coal 10 years running.
- Ho Ho Ho is his nickname for Nancy Pel- HO-si’.
- Independently wealthy, he don’t need no government cheese.
- Liberal indoctrination centers try to convince children he does not exist.
- Ignored politically correct calls for him to work off his bowl full of jelly.
- Lunches with Karl Rove.
- Tracked by NORAD.
- Being the sole leader of his city clearly likes small government.
- And last but not least. He’s married to Mrs. Claus not Mr. Claus.
Santa after his local NRA meeting!
